One Day, I Told Uncle Sam that I Love Him; He answered: OOPS…...

posted on: Nov 15, 2017

By: Mike Enayah/Arab America Ambassador Blogger

One day, I told Uncle Sam that I loved him. He frowned and replied: you can’t love me little Abdul..

I asked, why Uncle why? He replied:  because freedom is not your fate, your religion teaches hate, and whispered: “your genetics are not so great.”

I almost believed him, but then I said: please Uncle give me a break, my future is at stake. Freedom is what I seek, my religion loves the meek and helps the weak, then I whispered to him,

“I am not a freak.”

I continued, even if you hate me I still love you. You made the world fly and baked the apple pie. You went to the moon and created the Bugs Bunny cartoon. You made the first phone call and invented basketball. I know you expected me to mention the one with the umpire, but freedom of speech was my desire.

I added, Uncle I believed everything you said, but you helped to overthrow Mossadegh from a democracy. Uncle responded: OOPS, that was a hypocrisy.

I said you brought the Shah to help you get the oil.
He replied, OOPS!! That was my spoil.

I said you had a hand in Israel taking my land.
He replied, OOPS!! I thought it was just sand.

I said you looked the other way when the Mullahs took Iran.
He replied, OOPS!! I was not a Soviet fan.

I said you helped Sadam against Iran in the fight.
He replied, OOPS!! I can’t always be right.

I asked, why did you tell the Mujahideen of Afghanistan that you adored them?
He replied, OOPS!! I was trying to end the cold war.

I said, Sadam won you the fight.
He replied, OOPS!! I was asleep it must’ve happened at night.

I asked, why did you punish Iraq when Iran quit?
He replied,  OOPS!! That win was not in my script.

I said but you told Sadam it’s ok to teach Kuwait a lesson.
He said OOPS!! Who knew he would listen.

I said I am glad that the war in Afghanistan will be over.
He replied, OOPS!! I like your sense of humor.

I said after defeating Sadam why to go back.
He replied, OOPS!! It was Israel’s plan of attack.

I asked, what happened to Iraq’s WMD (weapons of mass destruction) arsenal?
He replied, OOPS!! It was Dick Cheney who made the news and wrote the article.

I asked, was bombing Aljazeera, Abu Ghraib, and Black-Water your thing?
He replied OOPS!! That was done by a few good old neoconservatives of the right wing.

I asked, was Guantanamo, waterboarding, and torture camps also right-wing bigotry?
He replied, OOPS!! That was blessed by Alan Dershowitz, defender of civil liberties.

I said, it has been almost three decades and Iraq is still at war.
He replied, OOPS!!  I think I am planning for a lot more.

I asked, what happened to the idea of making peace?
He replied, OOPS!! Don’t embarrass me in front of AIPAC–please.

I asked, why did you support the Arab Spring?
He said OOPS!! It’s the democracy and freedom thing.

I said but you told me that freedom is not my fate.
He replied, OOPS!! At the time, it was up for debate.

I asked, but why then destroy the Arab Spring?
He replied, OOPS!! It went out of style and I wanted to sell you a new thing.

I asked, why did you leave Libya in such anguish?
He replied, OOPS!! I light fires but I don’t know how to extinguish.

I asked, why did you draw a red line in Syria and who was first to blink?
He said OOPS!! I must have run out of red ink.

I asked, what really is ISIS?
He replied, OOPS!! Their job is to create a crisis.

I asked, when will you cancel the Muslim travel ban?
He replied, OOPS!! Not for a hundred years that is my plan.

Uncle, now I understand why I can’t be loved. Foolishly, I thought that the oil was mine. Sometimes, I think maybe I didn’t toe the right line, but then not all of us are willing to drink the wine.

I am sure it is that thing called Palestine, where Israel wants to destroy my mosque and build a shrine.

I asked, Uncle if you can’t love me, can we agree on one thing?  He looked at me and replied, go ahead young man, what is your question?

I asked, please tell me that I am the biggest victim of fake news. He frowned, stopped his rhyme, and replied,  I agree with you, and I’ll tell you so, but only after you tell me the name of the refugee terrorists you hide, and about your Sharia law plot.