Baba’s Time is Here— عيد الأَبِ — What Father’s Day Means to Young Arab Americans

posted on: Jun 17, 2020

By: John Mason/Arab America Contributing Writer

Father’s Day was originally a Western celebration more so than Middle Eastern. Al-Jazeera, in looking into the Arab celebration of Fathers, found that its Western origin dates to at least 1508, where its first mention was in a southern European tradition. In the U.S., mainly Catholics originally celebrated Father’s Day, but that changed in the 20^th century when the nation adopted the celebration.

Father’s Day—a short history of its “official” beginnings

The story of why Father’s Day began to be celebrated by more than just Catholics is enlightening. Apparently, an American Civil War veteran, lucky to have made it out of that war alive, was soon widowed and left to raise his children alone. His daughter, Sonora Smart Dodd, 16, was listening to a Mother’s Day sermon in the church in 1909 and wondered why there was no celebration of Fathers, especially her own, at least in her church. Hence, Sonora started a petition for the first Father’s Day, which she wanted to celebrate on her father’s birthday in early June. Several church communities agreed to participate but pushed the date to later in June to give more time for preparation. The idea spread and by 1970, the U.S. Congress passed legislation giving Father’s Day the status of a national holiday, to be celebrated on the third Sunday of June.

As with many celebrations in the U.S., the event of Father’s Day became commercial; in the old days, it was a time to give your father a tie, cigarettes, or shaving lotion, but now, for some, only upscale fashion gifts will suffice.

Arab World Practices of ‘Eid al Ob      

Arab countries celebrate Father’s Day in different ways. According to Anyday Guide, countries such as Lebanon, Egypt, Jordan, Palestine, Syria, United Arab Emirates, annually celebrate Father’s Day on June 21, which is the day on which summer solstice occurs. In these countries, it is not a big celebration, in contrast to Mother’s Day.

There’s a curious story about how Father’s Day became a celebration in the Arab World because it starts with the origin of Mother’s Day. In Egypt, journalist Mustafa Amin supposedly introduced Mother’s Day in 1956. Other Arab countries followed the Egyptian tradition in adopting this holiday. Egyptian authorities later tried to rename Mother’s Day to Family Day, however, since the government did not want to remind people about Amin, the founder of this holiday. “But these attempts failed, the Egyptians continued to celebrate Mother’s Day, and at the same time the idea of a celebration of Father’s Day was born.” According to al-Jazeera, this was a reminder to men that, while mothers played a major role in raising children, fathers also need to help in the upbringing of their children and that children have a right to the love of both parents.

The Islamic perspective, according to About Islam, is that a “Muslim is required to show kindness, love, and dutifulness to his parents. Father’s Day is a social and family event that aims at celebrating fatherhood and honoring fathers. Such social and cultural events are not rejected in Islam, as long as they don’t promote un-Islamic values.”

Arab America’s informal survey of young Arab Americans’ attitudes towards Father’s Day

Arab America prepared a brief interview questionnaire for young Arab Americans based on the following 5 items: 1) Did/do the Arabs in your country of origin (including the U.S.) celebrate Father’s Day? If so, how is/was it celebrated? (e.g., around a meal, a party, an outing, gifts?); 2) What is the perception of the “Father” in that country? Does it differ among different Arab groupings, e.g. Christians and Muslims, traditional vs. modern? 3) How would you describe your relationship with your father, in terms of his role in the family, emotional ties to his children? 4) Will you and your family celebrate Father’s Day this coming Sunday? How will you celebrate? And, 5), If this is not too personal, what is your rough age and father’s occupation? Would you consider your family traditional or modern? Responses are from young Arab Americans, with the exception of one. The following are excerpts from the six young persons who responded.

Young Egyptian Male:

“Arabs in the US and countries I have lived in, celebrate Father’s day with a gift or an outing. Some pictures may be taken for the memories. The perception of “Father” I think is much more significant in the Arab World. Family bonds are stronger and they all live together, sometimes a bigger family all lives under one household including grandfathers and so on. The father in the Arab world is the decision-maker, the ‘headmaster’ of the house and provides for the family, and even sometimes helps out his children after they get married! There is no requirement to leave the household at the age of 18 like in the United States, but although it might be a restriction, it is also somewhat a blessing for some households. I am 23 now, my father is the most hard-working man I know, he has raised me to be the man I am today. Responsible, courageous, and humble. He taught me things that you would never learn in school, life lessons that you will only gain by experiences he had. I try to be as hard-working as he is. My father will forever be my best friend.”

Young Lebanese Female:

“Yes, Lebanese celebrate Father day. It’s more a family event. That is, as a general rule, the mother will prepare a big family meal, and the children will give presents. Sometimes the family decides to go to a “fancy” restaurant that is up to their means. In Lebanon, the image of the father is seen in the same way among Christians and Muslims. The father is seen as the head of the family, the person who makes the decisions, and the most respected person. The father represents strength. I am personally very close to my father.  He always makes the final decision. My father is very close and very caring with my brothers, my mother, and me. Before making a decision, we have to talk to him about it so that he can give his agreement and give us all the advice possible to make it happen. He likes to be aware of everything, and he likes things to be done in his way. We will celebrate Father’s Day in a special way. My brother and I live in another country for our studies, so we won’t be able to be with our dad. So we are going to have a family meal via Zoom, and my mom is going to make my dad’s favorite dishes. I’m 20 years old, and my dad is a business manager. I consider my family to be very modern except for the vision of the father, which is too traditional for me.”

Young Palestinian Male: (slightly abridged version)

“When I lived in the Gulf, usually for father’s day we would have the gifts pre-bought and set it at the end of my dad’s bed. That way when he wakes up the first thing he sees where everything that we got him. At night, we would always go to a fancy restaurant and enjoy a nice meal all together. The best part about this was seeing all the other families celebrating like us and enjoying their time. Personally, for me, I have been taught that my father is a very important male figure in my life. He has his own kind of respect and love. And, in return, he acts like the amazing father that he is—I’s is all about balance. I feel like fathers in general are seen as a very important figure, more in the Middle East rather than the US. I love my father and he is willing to make all the sacrifices necessary for my own happiness. He goes out of his ways to find new opportunities that will benefit me in the future. Yes, we will celebrate. We are no longer 5 and 3-year-olds so the whole morning tradition for us faded away. But we will still be going out to eat and surprise him with gifts and such. I think we fall in between traditional and modern, though we are pretty modern in our mindsets; but at the same time, we would not want to let go of our good traditions.”

Young Egyptian Male-University student in the U.S.:

“It is not a real big deal in my family. Fathers are perceived to be strong and providers. My relationship with my father is great. He works very hard and also connects with us kids. We will do something, but it will not be as big a deal as mother’s day. My father is about 50 and he is a small business owner. My family is quite modern.”

Young Algerian Female

“Yes, in my family we do a small party with cakes and tea. With my whole family reunited (we do that more for the birthdays also.) In Algeria, the father is the one who watches over the family, who runs the family. I don’t think it differs among different Arabs groupings. I am very close to my father if I have a problem he’s there. In terms of emotions, we don’t really show much, but we are still close and there is a kind of pride where we don’t want to show too much but we know how we feel. We celebrate more in Algeria with my whole family, with my uncles, aunties, and cousins for example but because we are in France right now I don’t think we’ll celebrate. I would say my family is a mix of traditional and modern but more leaning on the traditional side.”

Young Jordanian Female-University Student in the U.S.:

“We don’t celebrate Father’s day. A father in Jordan is an automatic role model. He is responsible for keeping the family intact, strong, and resilient. I think my perception is that Christian fathers and Muslim fathers don’t differ a lot. The more determining factor is usually the more religious the family is, the stricter the father. In fact, it is often measured through the father’s religiousness. My father has always been the kind soul in the family. He’s very kind or (hanoon in Arabic), fun to be around, and is up for any adventure with you at any time. While he is forgiving and kind, he does not show many other emotions. My mother was the breadwinner for a while, so he remained many times the de facto leader of the family despite them disagreeing. He’s the grounding force in the family if that makes sense. My father is around the mid-50s and has worked in education as a professor at a community college, but he’s a banker now. My family is considered more modern today.”

Based on these very thoughtful responses from an array of different young Arab Americans (with the one exception), we see a strong bond between them and their fathers. While the responses are mostly from young Arab men, two from young women, it seems that the practice of honoring fathers around the Arab World is consistent. If I am not mistaken, their perception of their fathers is somewhat traditional, perhaps more so than the perception of more typical young Americans of their fathers. Their perceptions also seem to offset the stereotype of the Arab father as overly stern and somewhat patriarchal and authoritarian. Generally, the totality of responses shows that these young Arabs are highly positive about their respective fathers. Now, that is some good news, in this otherwise discombobulated moment in Pandemic time, Enjoy your Father’s Day, but with care.

References:

“Father’s Day: Who celebrates today, and why”, Al-Jazeera 6/18/2019 

“Father’s Day in Arab Countries and Uganda,” Anyday Guide, 6/2020 

“What Is the Islamic View on Acknowledging Father’s Day?” About Islam, 17 June 2019

An informal survey of attitudes towards Father’s Day, Arab America, 6/15/20

See a related story on Arab America: How the Father’s Role has Changed in the Arab Family

John Mason, PhD., who focuses on Arab culture, society, and history, is the author of LEFT-HANDED IN AN ISLAMIC WORLD: An Anthropologist’s Journey into the Middle East, New Academia Publishing, 2017. He has taught at the University of Libya, Benghazi, Rennselaer Polytechnic Institute in New York, and the American University in Cairo; John served with the United Nations in Tripoli, Libya, and consulted extensively on socioeconomic and political development for USAID and the World Bank in 65 countries.

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